Kingdom Living Insights – Biblical Virtues Series – Gratitude and Its Opposites

This time, we’re looking at gratitude. It is easy to say thank you when something wonderful happens. But what about an ordinary day, when nothing seems particularly special? What about a difficult season, when prayers remain unanswered and life feels painful?

God calls us to give thanks in every situation. That includes acknowledging everything He does and gives us, even when our circumstances are very hard. Gratitude should also extend to the people who help us. Their kindness deserves to be noticed and appreciated.

 

What Does It Mean to Be Grateful?

Being grateful means that we recognize what we have received and appreciate the one who gave it.

That may sound simple, but it is possible to enjoy a gift without giving much thought to the giver. Someone helps us, the problem gets solved, and our attention moves elsewhere. Before long, another need comes up, and we ask for more help without having thanked them for the last time.

The same thing can happen in our relationship with God. A prayer that once felt urgent gets answered, but after a brief moment of relief, the answer becomes something ordinary.

Gratitude helps us stop and remember: “I asked for this. God has helped me, and I should thank Him.”

It should not remain only an unspoken feeling. Thankfulness needs to be expressed – in prayer, in conversation, and in the way we treat what has been given to us.

 

Giving Thanks in Every Situation

In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus toward you.

1 Thessalonians 5:18 (WEB)

This instruction is not limited to days when everything goes well. It also applies when we are disappointed, grieving, worried, or facing circumstances we would never have chosen.

Even then, we should thank God for everything He does and gives us.

That does not mean pretending that a bad situation is good. Nor does it mean that pain, illness, loss, or wrongdoing should be dismissed. Something can be genuinely difficult, and there can still be reasons to thank God.

Perhaps someone has brought a meal, offered practical help, or stayed to listen. A need may have been met for today, even though tomorrow remains uncertain. The forgiveness and hope God has provided through Jesus are still reasons for thanksgiving, whatever else is happening.

A prayer can include both sorrow and gratitude:

“Heavenly Father, I am finding this very hard. Thank You for the help You have given me today and for the people who have stood beside me. Please help me with what I am facing.”

There is no need to hide the difficulty. But there is also no need to wait until it ends before giving thanks.

 

What If We Do Not Feel Thankful?

Sometimes the words come easily. At other times, pain or exhaustion makes it hard to think beyond the immediate problem.

In those moments, gratitude may begin with a choice to acknowledge something specific rather than waiting for a different feeling.

“Thank You that someone called today.”

“Thank You for the food I had.”

“Thank You that I can bring this before You.”

Saying those things does not mean the sadness has gone or that every question has been answered. It simply means that we are acknowledging what God has given us while still being honest about what hurts.

Thanksgiving and tears can be part of the same prayer.

 

Remembering What God Has Done

Some of the things we now consider ordinary were once things we prayed for.

An opportunity to work. A place to live. Help during a difficult time. Someone willing to listen.

After a while, it becomes easy to focus only on what is still missing. The answer received last month gets little attention because this month has brought another concern.

Of course, new needs should be brought to God. But remembering His previous help gives us reasons to thank Him as well.

This does not have to become a complicated exercise. During prayer, take a moment to name something specific. Think about the day and ask, “Where did I receive help? What have I been overlooking?”

Alongside daily provision, there is the mercy God has shown us through Jesus. His forgiveness should never become so familiar that it no longer moves us to give thanks.

 

The Man Who Came Back to Thank Jesus

In Luke 17, ten men with leprosy called out to Jesus for mercy. He told them to show themselves to the priests, and as they went, they were cleansed.

All ten received healing. Only one returned to thank Him.

Jesus answered, “Weren’t the ten cleansed? But where are the nine?

Luke 17:17 (WEB)

It is worth pausing over that question.

The other nine had received something life-changing, yet they did not return. The man who came back took time to acknowledge and thank Jesus rather than simply going on to enjoy what he had received.

This account gives us a reason to examine ourselves. After asking God for help, do we remember to thank Him? Or does our attention move straight to the next request?

Returning to give thanks matters. Beyond appreciating the help we receive, we should also thank the person who gave it and let them know how much their kindness means to us.

Thanking Other People

Gratitude should not stop with thanking God.

When someone gives their time, helps with a responsibility, prepares food, or offers support, we should thank them too. Acknowledging God’s provision does not make their effort unimportant.

There is no need to choose between the two. Thank God for the help, and thank the person who gave it.

A simple, sincere sentence is often enough:

“Thank you for coming. It really helped.”

“I appreciate the time you spent on this.”

“Thank you for checking on me.”

Sometimes it is helpful to say what their kindness meant: “I was feeling overwhelmed, and having you there made a difference.”

People should not always have to guess whether their care has been noticed.

 

Do Not Forget the People Who Help Every Day

It can be easier to thank someone for an unusual favor than to appreciate the person who helps regularly.

A meal appears on the table. The washing gets done. Someone makes arrangements, gives a lift, checks on a relative, or takes care of a task nobody else remembered.

Because these things happen often, they can begin to seem automatic. But someone is still giving time and effort.

A husband, wife, parent, child, friend, or colleague should not have to stop helping before others notice how much they do.

Take time to thank them while they are doing it. Where possible, offer to help as well.

 

Show Gratitude in Practical Ways

A thank-you matters, but our actions should show it too.

If someone lends us something, taking care of it and returning it shows consideration. If a person gives their time, keeping an arrangement and arriving when agreed respects that gift.

At home, thanking someone for all they do should lead us to notice when they need help. Repeatedly praising their effort while leaving every responsibility to them can make the words feel empty.

Gratitude should affect how we treat the person, not only what we say after receiving something.

 

What Opposes Gratitude?

The following attitudes can make us overlook God’s goodness and the kindness of others. These are things to examine in our own lives, not labels to use against someone who is suffering or asking for help.

Ingratitude

When we take everything for granted and do not acknowledge or appreciate the giver, we show ingratitude.

Perhaps someone spends several hours helping us with a task. Once it is finished, we leave without thanking them. The next time they hear from us, it is because we need another favor.

An occasional forgotten thank-you is one thing. A repeated pattern of receiving without showing appreciation is something that needs attention.

The person may begin to feel that their time matters only when it is useful to us.

This can happen in prayer too. There is always another request, but little acknowledgment of what God has already done.

A good place to begin is with a direct question: “Who have I forgotten to thank?”

If someone comes to mind, contact them. It is not too late to say, “I realize I never properly thanked you for what you did. I appreciated your help.”

Entitlement

When we become used to receiving help, we may start expecting it every time.

A friend has helped on several occasions, but one day they cannot. Instead of understanding, we become angry or accuse them of not caring. Their previous kindness gets forgotten because they cannot meet this particular request.

That is unfair. They have responsibilities and limitations too.

Entitlement can also show itself in constant dissatisfaction. Whatever someone gives, we think they should have given more. Whatever effort they make, it never seems enough.

The same attitude can affect how we approach God. It is right to bring needs and disappointments before Him, but that is different from treating every personal wish as something He owes us.

This does not mean that proper responsibilities no longer matter. Asking an employer to pay agreed wages or expecting someone to keep a promise is not ingratitude. The issue is demanding more and more while failing to appreciate kindness that is freely given to us.

Pride

Pride can make it difficult to admit how much help we have received.

After achieving something, we may speak only about our own work. The person who taught us, supported us, or gave us an opportunity barely gets mentioned.

There is nothing wrong with acknowledging effort. But hard work does not mean that nobody else contributed.

Perhaps a family member made sacrifices so that study was possible. A colleague patiently taught a skill. Someone encouraged us when we were ready to give up.

Their help deserves to be remembered.

Thanking them does not take away from what we accomplished. It simply tells the truth about how we got there.

Envy and Comparison

Comparison can change the way we look at something we were previously thankful for.

A home felt adequate until someone else bought a larger one. An opportunity brought joy until another person received something more impressive. Suddenly, what once seemed like a blessing feels disappointing.

Those feelings can affect relationships too. Instead of congratulating the person, we make a dismissive comment or question whether they deserved what they received.

If that happens, it is better to be honest before God than to excuse the resentment.

“Father, I wanted an opportunity like that, and I am struggling with disappointment. Please help me not to resent them or forget what You have given me.”

Their good news does not take away the good already present in our lives. It is possible to be pleased for them while still bringing our own hopes and disappointments to God.

Gratitude Does Not Mean Ignoring What Is Wrong

Being thankful does not require remaining silent about harm.

A person can appreciate help received and still address wrongdoing. Seeking protection, medical care, practical assistance, or a change in circumstances does not contradict gratitude.

Likewise, someone who has been generous does not gain the right to control another person. “After everything I have done for you” should never become a way of demanding agreement, access, or obedience.

Kindness deserves appreciation, but it does not cancel necessary boundaries.

The same care is needed when speaking to someone in distress. Rather than pointing out everything they should be thankful for, listen first. Their need for support may be urgent, even if there are also good things in their life.

Putting Gratitude Into Practice

Start with the people and circumstances already close at hand.

During prayer, thank God for something specific before moving on to the next request. On a difficult day, acknowledge what He has given without pretending the day has been easy.

Think about the people who regularly help. Has their effort been noticed? Have they heard a sincere thank-you recently?

If someone has been taken for granted, say so plainly:

“I have become so used to your help that I have not properly thanked you. I appreciate what you do.”

Then consider whether something needs to change. Perhaps a responsibility should be shared, a borrowed item returned, or a boundary respected.

There is no need to make a grand gesture. A sincere word and a thoughtful action can be a meaningful place to begin.

 

Questions for Reflection

• Do I thank God during difficulties, or only after they have passed?

• What have I received that I now take for granted?

• Who has helped me without hearing a word of appreciation?

• Have I become demanding toward someone who has been generous?

• Do I acknowledge the people who contributed to my achievements?

• When someone makes an effort for me, do they usually hear thanks or criticism?

• Has comparison changed the way I view something I once appreciated?

• What could I do today to express gratitude more clearly?

 

A Prayer

Heavenly Father,

Thank You for Your mercy and for the forgiveness and hope You have provided through Jesus.

Forgive us for the times we have taken Your goodness and the kindness of others for granted. Help us recognize and appreciate the blessings we have begun to take for granted.

Teach us to give thanks in every situation, including the painful ones. You know our needs and the things we do not understand. Help us bring them before You honestly while continuing to thank You for everything You do and give.

Where pride, envy, entitlement, or constant complaining have affected our attitudes, please change our hearts.

Bring to mind the people we need to thank. Help us express our appreciation sincerely and treat them with greater care.

Let gratitude become part of everyday life – in our prayers, our words, and our actions.

In Jesus’ name. Amen.