Kingdom Living Insights – Biblical Virtues Series – Forgiveness and Its Opposites

This time, we’re looking at forgiveness. We will begin with why we need God’s forgiveness and how He has provided it. Then we can look at what it means to forgive others, including those who have never apologized.

 

Why Do We Need God’s Forgiveness?

To understand this, we need to go back to the Garden of Eden.

God told Adam not to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. He warned him that disobedience would bring death.

but you shall not eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil; for in the day that you eat of it, you will surely die.”

Genesis 2:17 (WEB)

Adam and Eve disobeyed. Their relationship with God was broken, they were driven from the garden, and they became subject to death. This is what we call the Fall. Romans 5:12 explains that sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin.

The problem did not end with them. We belong to fallen humanity, and we also commit sins ourselves. Romans 3:23 tells us that all have sinned and fall short of God’s glory.

Sin is therefore more than an unfortunate mistake. It is disobedience against our holy Creator. It brings guilt, judgment, and death. Romans 6:23 describes death as the wages of sin, in contrast with God’s gift of eternal life through Jesus Christ.

 

We Cannot Remove Our Own Guilt

We may regret what we have done, but regret cannot undo it. Doing something good afterward does not cancel our wrongdoing either.

We should acknowledge our sins, turn away from them, and make things right where we can. But we cannot declare ourselves innocent before God. Only He can forgive our sins and restore our relationship with Him.

Romans 3:24–26 explains that we are justified freely by His grace through the redemption in Christ Jesus. To be justified means to be declared righteous before God. We receive this through faith in Jesus, not by doing enough good things to outweigh our sins.

God did not owe us forgiveness. We needed Him to provide a way of salvation because we could not rescue ourselves.

 

How Did God Forgive People in the Old Testament?

God did not begin showing mercy when Jesus came. Throughout the Old Testament, He called people to confess their sins and return to Him.

David describes this in Psalm 32:5. When he stopped hiding his sin and confessed it, God forgave his guilt. In Ezekiel 18:21–23, God also speaks of a wicked person turning away from sin and receiving life rather than the death their wrongdoing deserved.

Forgiveness was real, but it was not permission to continue doing wrong.

 

God Provided Sacrifices for Sin

Under the old covenant given through Moses, God appointed offerings and priestly ministry to deal with sin and impurity. Leviticus 4:35 says that the priest would make atonement for a person’s sin and that the person would be forgiven.

Atonement concerns how sin is dealt with so that people can be brought into a right relationship with God.

Leviticus 17:11 explains that God gave the blood on the altar for atonement, connecting it with the life of the creature. This was His provision. The people were not inventing a way to buy His acceptance.

The law also made provision for poverty. In Leviticus 5:11–13, someone who could not afford birds could bring flour as a sin offering. The passage still says that atonement would be made and the person forgiven.

 

The Sacrifices Pointed Forward to Jesus

How Did God Provide Forgiveness Through Jesus?

God did not simply ignore our guilt. Jesus came to deal with the sin we could not remove ourselves.

He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we, having died to sins, might live to righteousness. You were healed by his wounds.

1 Peter 2:24 (WEB)

Jesus’ death was more than an example of love. He bore our sins and gave His life for us. At the cross, He endured the judgment our sins deserved so that we could be forgiven and brought back to God.

Paul writes:

In him we have our redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace

Ephesians 1:7 (WEB)

Forgiveness and redemption are closely connected, but they do not mean exactly the same thing.

Forgiveness concerns the removal of our guilt. God no longer holds the forgiven sin against us.

Redemption concerns our release at a cost. In Ephesians 1:7, that cost is Christ’s blood – His life given in death. Through Him, we receive freedom that we could not obtain for ourselves.

Romans 3:25–26 explains that God’s action through Christ demonstrates His righteousness. He does not abandon justice in order to forgive us. He deals with our sin while freely accepting those who have faith in Jesus.

 

What Do the Original Words for Forgiveness Mean?

Salach: To Forgive

The Hebrew verb סָלַח, salach, means to forgive. In its Old Testament uses, God is the one granting this forgiveness, and it concerns His forgiveness of sin.

Aphesis: Forgiveness or Release

The Greek noun ἄφεσις, aphesis, means release, remission, or forgiveness. In passages about sin, it refers to the forgiveness or remission of sins. Elsewhere, it can describe release from captivity. The passage determines its meaning.

The related verb aphiēmi can mean to let go, release, or forgive. Jesus’ picture of a cancelled debt in Matthew 18 helps us understand its use when someone forgives an offense.

Charizomai: To Give Freely or Forgive Graciously

The Greek verb χαρίζομαι, charizomai, means to give freely, grant as a favor, or forgive. It belongs to the same word family as charis, meaning grace.

Paul uses this verb when he writes:

And be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you.

Ephesians 4:32 (WEB)

 

Forgiving Even When Someone Does Not Apologize

While Jesus was being crucified, He prayed for those involved in His suffering:

Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.

Luke 23:34 (WEB)

His prayer did not wait for an apology. While the wrong was taking place, He asked His Father to show mercy.

Following His example, we should not make our willingness to forgive depend on whether someone admits what they did. They may deny it, minimize it, or never speak to us again. We can still bring the offense before God and choose not to hold on to it as a reason for hatred or revenge.

Jesus also says:

Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone; so that your Father, who is in heaven, may also forgive you your transgressions.

Mark 11:25 (WEB)

Here, He directs us to forgive as we come before the Father in prayer. We do not have to wait for a conversation with the other person before beginning to obey.

This does not mean that their wrongdoing becomes acceptable or that their relationship with God is automatically restored. Jesus’ prayer for forgiveness is not a declaration that everyone involved had already repented and received salvation.

We cannot make someone admit their wrongdoing or turn back to God. But we can choose to obey God by forgiving others, even if they never apologize. They still need to answer to Him for what they have done.

 

Forgiveness Is Not the Same as Reconciliation

We can forgive someone without pretending that the relationship has been repaired.

Reconciliation involves both people. If someone continues lying, abusing, or refusing responsibility, our forgiveness will not make their behavior safe.

Repentance matters because genuine change is needed before a damaged relationship can be rebuilt. Jesus includes addressing wrongdoing when He says:

Be careful. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him. If he repents, forgive him.

Luke 17:3 (WEB)

This instruction reminds us not to withhold forgiveness when someone turns back in repentance. Read alongside His other teaching, it does not cancel the call to forgive in prayer or the example of praying for those who hurt us.

Trust also needs more than an apology. We need to see honesty and changed behavior over time.

Where there has been abuse, violence, or exploitation, reporting what happened and maintaining distance may be necessary. Forgiveness must never be used to pressure someone into silence or continued danger.

 

What Opposes Forgiveness?

Here are some examples of attitudes and behaviors that can keep us from forgiving. These are things we need to recognize and turn away from, not acceptable responses to being hurt.

Unforgiveness

We may decide, “I will never forgive them unless they admit what they did.” Or perhaps we feel that even an apology would never be enough.

Jesus gives us a serious warning:

 But if you don’t forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Matthew 6:15 (WEB)

He says that our Father will not forgive us if we refuse to forgive others. We cannot treat this as an unimportant part of following Him.

At the same time, struggling with deep pain is not the same as deciding to remain unforgiving. We can pray, “Lord, I want to obey You, but I need Your help.” That is different from insisting that we will never be willing.

Forgiveness does not make the person innocent. God knows what happened, even if they never acknowledge it.

Resentment

When we resent someone, we keep returning to how unfairly they treated us. Their offense may become part of every disagreement, even when the present issue is unrelated.

We make cutting remarks, complain about them repeatedly, or look for ways to remind them that they still owe us.

There may be a genuine need to discuss unresolved harm. But we should ask what we want from the conversation. Are we trying to address the problem, or do we want to keep making the person feel guilty?

Bitterness

Our hurt can begin to affect people who were not responsible for it.

After one person betrays us, we may decide that no one can be trusted. We reject kindness because we suspect a hidden motive or speak contemptuously about anyone who reminds us of the offender.

Paul writes:

Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, outcry, and slander be put away from you, with all malice.

Ephesians 4:31 (WEB)

Being deeply hurt is not itself a sin. But when that hurt begins to produce malicious words or a desire to see others fail, we need to bring those responses before the Lord.

Revenge

When it comes to revenge, we want another person to suffer because they made us suffer first. But we must never act on that desire. Being wronged does not give us permission to do wrong in return.

Revenge might involve exposing private information, damaging someone’s reputation, destroying their property, or threatening them. It can also lead to physical violence and even the loss of life. We should never treat the desire for revenge as harmless.

God tells us:

Don’t seek revenge yourselves, beloved, but give place to God’s wrath. For it is written, “Vengeance belongs to me; I will repay, says the Lord.”

Romans 12:19 (WEB)

Vengeance belongs to God, not to us. We must leave judgment with Him rather than deciding how to make someone pay through personal retaliation.

Reporting abuse or crime and seeking protection are different from revenge. Those actions can help stop wrongdoing and protect people. They must not become an excuse to threaten or attack the person responsible.

Continually Bringing Up Past Wrongs

We may use an old offense whenever we want the upper hand.

“After what you did, you have no right to question me,” becomes our answer to every disagreement. The person is never allowed to speak without being reminded of their failure.

This is different from addressing a continuing pattern or keeping records for safety and accountability. The issue is using the past to shame or control someone.

Punishing Someone Through Our Treatment of Them

We can also try to hurt someone without openly confronting them.

We deliberately exclude them, make unkind remarks, or encourage others to reject them. We want them to feel unwanted because we are still angry.

Needing space is different. Limiting contact for safety or recovery is not the same as using distance to cause pain. We need to be honest about our intentions.

What Forgiveness Does Not Require

We do not have to forget what happened. Remembering may help us recognize behavior that should not be repeated.

The pain does not have to disappear immediately either. A reminder or new information may bring back difficult feelings without cancelling a sincere decision to forgive.

Nor does forgiveness remove every consequence. Someone who has misused authority may not be suitable to return to that role. A person who has committed a crime may still face legal action.

We can release the desire to punish someone personally while allowing appropriate accountability to take place.

 

Taking the Next Step

We can speak to the Lord honestly about what happened and how we feel. We do not need to find perfect words. We might pray:

“Father, You know how much this hurt me. I choose to forgive them, but I need Your help with the anger and pain that remain. Please teach me how to move forward in a way that honors You.”

That choice should also affect what we do. Before sending an angry message or speaking about the person, we can pause and ask, “Am I trying to deal with this honestly, or am I trying to hurt them?” We can explain the wrong and seek appropriate help without being cruel or dishonest ourselves.

The memory may still return. When it does, we can tell the Lord that it hurts and ask for His help again. We do not have to pretend that we are no longer affected. Remembering the pain does not mean we must act on it or take back our decision to forgive.

If we are the ones who caused the hurt, we need to approach the situation differently. Telling someone, “You have to forgive me,” does not put things right. Neither should we use Bible verses to stop them from speaking about what we did. We need to listen, acknowledge the harm without excuses, change our behavior, and accept the consequences.

Questions for Reflection

• Have I acknowledged my own need for God’s forgiveness?

• Have I made forgiving someone depend entirely on receiving an apology?

• Am I using an old offense to shame or control them?

• Do I want a fair resolution, or do I want them to suffer?

• Are my boundaries intended to protect, or to punish?

• If I caused harm, have I taken responsibility without excuses?

 

Prayer

Heavenly Father,

Thank You for providing forgiveness and redemption through Jesus.

You know the things that have hurt us, including those that have never been acknowledged. Help us follow Jesus’ example and forgive without waiting for an apology.

Where anger and resentment remain, please work in our hearts. Keep us from revenge, and teach us to leave judgment with You.

Give us wisdom to maintain necessary boundaries, speak truthfully, and seek support where we need it. Where we have caused harm, help us acknowledge it and change.

In Jesus’ name. Amen.