Kingdom Living Insights – Biblical Virtues Series – Kindness and Its Opposites

In this series, we’re looking at the godly qualities, the biblical virtues, that the Lord wants to form in us as we follow Him. These are not just nice ideas, but real fruit that grows in a heart that is walking with the Holy Spirit. The opposites of these virtues are what Scripture calls the works of the flesh, sins, and evil attitudes.

In the first post, I used the word “vices” because that’s a term many Christians are familiar with. But going forward, I want to stick closer to the Bible’s own language. So I’ll be speaking of virtues and the works of the flesh / sins / evil attitudes, just as the New Testament does.

 

Kindness and Its Opposites

Kindness can seem small, but it can change the atmosphere around us.

A gentle answer when someone expects anger. A message to someone who has been on your heart. Taking time to listen when you are busy. Offering help without being asked. Speaking with respect when you disagree. These may seem like ordinary things, but they can reveal the heart of God to someone who is hurting.

Kindness is the next virtue listed after patience in Galatians 5:22.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith… – Galatians 5:22, WEB

Kindness is not simply a personality trait. Some people may naturally be warm, gentle, or thoughtful, while others may be more direct or reserved. But biblical kindness is for every believer, because it is fruit produced by the Holy Spirit. It is God’s love becoming visible in the way we treat people.

 

God Was Kind to Us First

We cannot understand Christian kindness without first looking at God.

Or do you despise the riches of his goodness, forbearance, and patience, not knowing that the goodness of God leads you to repentance? – Romans 2:4, WEB

God does not shame us into returning to Him. His goodness, patience, and mercy lead us toward repentance. He sees our sin clearly, but He does not deal with us harshly. He calls us back with truth and love.

But when the kindness of God our Savior and his love toward mankind appeared, not by works of righteousness which we did ourselves, but according to his mercy, he saved us through the washing of regeneration and renewing by the Holy Spirit, – Titus 3:4–5, WEB

God’s kindness is not something we earned. He came toward us in mercy when we could not save ourselves. This is the source of true kindness: we show grace because God first showed grace to us.

 

A Deeper Look at Kindness

The Greek word used for kindness in Galatians 5:22 is chrēstotēs (χρηστότης). It can mean kindness, goodness, gentleness, mercy, generosity, and moral excellence. It is not only about feeling warmly toward someone. It is goodness that becomes visible through our words, choices, and treatment of others.

A related Hebrew word is hesed (חֶסֶד), often translated as lovingkindness, steadfast love, mercy, faithfulness, or loyal love. Hesed describes love that does not disappear when life becomes inconvenient. It is faithful love expressed in action, especially in relationships.

This is why biblical kindness is deeper than being pleasant. It stays gentle when a person is difficult. It remains merciful when it would be easier to be cold. It serves when nobody notices. It speaks the truth without trying to humiliate someone.

 

Kindness Does Not Mean Weakness

Sometimes people think that being kind means saying yes to everyone, avoiding all conflict, or allowing people to cross every boundary. But this is not biblical kindness.

Jesus was full of kindness, yet He was never controlled by people’s demands. He welcomed the rejected, healed the sick, and showed compassion to the sinful. But He also confronted hypocrisy, challenged wrong attitudes, and withdrew to pray when He needed time alone.

Kindness does not mean ignoring sin or pretending that hurtful behavior is acceptable. There are times when kindness means saying no, stepping back from an unhealthy relationship, and speaking a hard truth with gentleness and love.

You can set a boundary without being cruel, disagree without being rude, confront sin without shaming someone, and you can protect your heart without hardening it.

And be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you. – Ephesians 4:32, WEB

Kindness is tenderhearted, but it is also wise. It does not require us to abandon truth, discernment, or healthy boundaries.

 

When Kindness Is Hard

Kindness is often easiest when we feel well, have energy, and are surrounded by easy people. But life is not always like that.

When you are tired, in pain, overwhelmed, anxious, depressed, or carrying unseen burdens, even a simple conversation can feel difficult. You may not feel patient, may not have energy to help everyone, and you may want to withdraw, react sharply, or avoid people altogether.

For those of us living with depression, chronic illness, fatigue, anxiety, or long-term pain, kindness may look different on difficult days. On difficult days, kindness may simply mean responding gently, holding back sharp words, sending a brief message, or praying for someone when you have little strength to give.

God knows our limitations. He does not ask us to pretend that we are not struggling. He is gentle with us, and He can help us extend that same gentleness to others.

Kindness also includes receiving God’s kindness toward ourselves. Resting when your body needs rest is not selfish. Asking for help is not failure. Giving yourself grace on a difficult day does not mean you do not care. God is tender toward you, too.

 

What Stands Against Kindness?

The opposites of kindness do not always look dramatic. Sometimes they appear in a tone of voice, a quick reaction, an ignored message, or a harsh thought we allow to grow in our hearts.

Some of the main opposites we see in Scripture include:

• Unfriendliness keeps people at a distance through a cold, closed, dismissive, or unwelcoming attitude. It may not use openly cruel words, but it can still leave someone feeling unwanted, unnoticed, or unwelcome.

• Cruelty – choosing words or actions that hurt, shame, intimidate, or make someone feel small.

• Harshness – speaking sharply, reacting in anger, or treating people without gentleness.

• Rudeness – treating others as though their feelings, time, dignity, or needs do not matter.

• Arrogance makes us see ourselves as better, wiser, more important, or more deserving than others. It makes it difficult to listen, apologize, serve, or treat people with the humility that kindness requires.

• Indifference – seeing someone’s need but deciding it is not our concern.

• Selfishness – focusing only on what we want, need, or gain, rather than considering another person.

• Judgmental attitudes – assuming the worst, criticizing quickly, or focusing on someone’s failures without compassion.

• Sin that hardens the heart – when we allow unforgiveness, anger, pride, bitterness, or selfishness to remain, we become less able to love people with God’s kindness.

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. – Proverbs 15:1, WEB

Our words can calm a situation or make it worse. A gentle answer does not mean we are agreeing with wrong behavior. It means we are choosing not to add more anger to an already difficult moment.

Let no corrupt speech proceed out of your mouth, but only what is good for building others up as the need may be, that it may give grace to those who hear. – Ephesians 4:29, WEB

Kindness gives grace. It asks not only, “Is this true?” but also, “Will this build up? Is this necessary? Can I say it with love?”

 

A Different Way to Respond

When we are tempted to respond with harshness, we can pause and ask the Lord for help.

• Instead of reacting immediately, we can pray: “Lord, help me to answer with Your kindness.”
• Instead of making assumptions, we can ask a gentle question.
• Instead of criticizing, we can give encouragement.
• Instead of ignoring someone’s pain, we can show compassion with them.
• Instead of trying to win an argument, we can try to understand.
• Instead of giving people what we think they deserve, we can remember the mercy God has shown us.

This does not mean we will always get it right. There will be moments when we are impatient, tired, or unkind. But we can repent, ask forgiveness, receive God’s grace, and allow the Holy Spirit to keep changing us.

Kindness is not about being perfect. It is about becoming more like Jesus.

 

Growing in Kindness

The Holy Spirit forms kindness in us over time. He softens the places in us that have become hard through pain, disappointment, fear, or exhaustion. He teaches us how to love people without losing wisdom, how to be truthful without being harsh, and how to care for others without forgetting our own limits.

Kindness may not always be noticed or celebrated. But it matters deeply to God. Every gentle word, every act of mercy, every moment of patience, and every choice to give grace instead of anger can become a small reflection of His heart.

Reflection question

Who has God placed in your life right now who may need kindness? Is there an area where unfriendliness, harshness, indifference, arrogance, selfishness, or judgment has started to grow in your heart? Ask the Lord to show you one small, practical way to reflect His kindness today.

Prayer

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for Your kindness toward me. Thank You for the mercy, patience, and forgiveness You have shown me. Forgive me for the times I have been unfriendly, harsh, indifferent, arrogant, selfish, rude, or judgmental. Soften my heart and teach me to treat others with Your kindness. Help me to speak gently, to listen well, to see needs around me, and to show grace without compromising truth. Form Your kindness in me so that people may see Your love through my words and actions. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.

If you have been blessed by this Kingdom Living Insights issue, please share it with others. Many thanks. God bless you!

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